Altadero
Although they thrive in a highly evolved, techno-industrial society, the people of Altadero are genetically deprived of one important emotion: compassion. Self-satisfaction is always first and foremost in their minds, and Altaderans will do anything to get what they want. Even physical violence doesn’t faze these people, which is why Spokir, the capital of the planet’s most heavily populated continent, Coyrot, suffers from such a drastically high crime rate. It is also not uncommon for Altaderans to speak their minds out loud and without restraint. This lack of tact has resulted in several off-world scuffles, especially during the Poly-Holiday season.

Beeveetee
Originally the last of the Six-String moons of Planet Klayar, Beeveetee bore life in the form of Insectoids. The Beeveetees enjoy a life of communal harmony, with each citizen performing a specific task vital to the sustenance and success of their society. They use the rare, delectably sweet nectar they digest through their physiognomy as universal currency, trading the excess for goods and services throughout the galaxy. The Beeveetees have even gone so far as to create a planet-sized shopping mall stocked with every imaginable necessity and want. The Beeveetee Mall quickly became the Milky Way’s top retail center—until a honey flood devastated the entire moon. However, the industrious Beeveetees have recently turned their tragic loss into inspiration by rebuilding the mall on the next moon up in the String. In just a few short months, Beeveetee Two has proven to outshine its predecessor, thanks in part to the generous support of Vee’vee’n Klaar’ynn, who selflessly supplied the Insectoids with the monetary resources to instigate the rebuild.

Bellavance
The people of Bellavance are highly intelligent; they just don’t yet know it. They possess the impressive gift of telempathy, which, while not exactly allowing them to read actual thoughts, affords them the opportunity to sense what a person is feeling. This often gives the impression that Bellavances seem to know exactly what’s running through someone’s head, but they’re only accurate less than half the time. Studies conducted by the Milky Way Mind Readers Association have shown that if the people of Bellavance weren’t so lazy and impatient they could train themselves to become extremely powerful thought masters, even going so far as to make telekinesis second nature. Unfortunately, the majority of the race is too caught up in galactic gossip and celebrity worship to make the effort. A Bellavance would be glued to a GalactiNet holo-receiver all day and all night if work and sleep weren’t such a vital factor. It was their ravenous hunger for insight into the lives of others that prompted the galactic-wide “Talk to the Hand” edict, which instituted severe penalties for celeb-hounds and stalkers.

Cijerus
This world has gone to the dogs—literally. Millennia ago, the planet that would eventually become known as Cijerus was home to a typical humanoid population. These people evolved from paramecium to land lizard to ape and finally to an early form of homo sapiens. And just like many other humanoid races, they looked to the canine species for companionship and protection. What they didn’t count on, though, was their furry friends becoming too protective…so protective, in fact, that they every time their masters scratched an itch the mutts mistakenly assumed they were attacking themselves. They then leaped onto their masters and proceeded to tear them apart. It wasn’t long before the entire humanoid race was wiped out. Being so astutely observant, the dogs retained suppressed memories of human mannerisms, which, as the eons progressed, were passed down to their distant ancestors and resulted in the eventual domination of a Caninoid species. These intelligent creatures developed the ability to speak, to walk on their hind legs, and to use a toilet instead of peeing on the carpet. Although industrialized and cosmos-itized, the Cijeruans have very little interaction with the rest of the galaxy. They instead prefer to remain on their homeworld, congregating in packs and sleeping their days away. Every so often the Cijeruans will engage in physical competition, especially at the annual Westminster Free-For-All, where they enjoy such games as “What’s That Smell on Your Butt?”; “Catch Your Own Tail”; and “The Sharpest Fangs.” Many of these games can be pretty violent; a visitor to Cijerus would be hard-pressed to come across an adult Caninoid devoid of deep scratches and scars.

Delmonte
Crisp, cool, and refreshing. That’s how many Milky Way citizens have come to describe Delmonte. Temperatures are comfortably mild all year round; aridness, frigidness, and humidity are literally unheard of. The only spots on the entire planet where it drops below freezing are at the ice-capped poles. The poles are considered to be holy by the Delmontians, as it is here where their dead are taken to be preserved in the eternal solace of cold storage. According to Delmonte theology, the dead are spirited across the universe to their great reward by He of the Green and Jolly. However, several people have reported spotting dead Delmontians in various produce shops throughout the Milky Way. They are still frozen, but they have been encased in plastic-wrapped cardboard boxes. A number of investigative reporters have interviewed the natives of Delmonte to uncover the truth, but these vegetable people refuse to accept that the notion that their sacred concept of an eternal afterlife is a myth and that instead they all end up on a dinner plate next to a slab of meatloaf.

Delzinium IV
Home to a race of radio-wave beings, Delzinium IV is classified by the Galactic Tribunal as an “almost” world. In fact, there has been much debate throughout the Milky Way as to whether or not the Delzinians qualify as actual people. They possess the right amount of sentience, but they lack the proper physical containment for said sentience. For the most part, the Delzinians confine themselves to their planet’s electromagnetically charged atmosphere. They interact with each other through magnetic signals that every being can receive, which makes it impossible for a Delzinian to have a private life. Every five years they alight to the spongy surface of their planet in order to recharge their essences. They also will come down to greet any and all off-world visitors, as the Delzinians are always eager to meet new people.

Dvbrn
A world where the center of gravity periodically shifts 180 degrees and back again, Dvbrn is truly the oddest place in the known galaxy. Not too many people care to visit the planet because of the extremely nauseating sense of vertigo that hits them once they set foot on its surface. One can barely tell what’s up and what’s down on Dvbrn. Houses and other buildings are built every which way—some literally hanging upside down. But the people of Dvbrn are totally used to it. They enjoy their lopsided, flip-flopping world, and they work diligently to eradicate its unfavorable reputation and promote intergalactic tourism. Of course, for a people with removable heads, a slight case of vertigo is a non-issue.

Earth
If there ever was a prime example of a once-great power crumbling under its own arrogance, it’s the one that has for too long considered itself the center of the universe. While not nearly as destitute and pathetic as planet Grunj, Earth still shows signs of letting itself go. Much of it has to do with the world’s former dominant power, the United Republican States of America, making an utter shambles of its own government. This in turn had a ripple effect on many other governments, with South America and the Middle East being affected the worst. But out of the shambles rises a fresh hope. What started in the late 20th century as the European Union has morphed into the EuroBurgh Commonwealth, a conglomeration of former independent nations with a desire to promulgate peace and harmony across the globe. So far the Commonwealth’s efforts haven’t been very successful, but with the recent signing of the Pacifistic Logistics treaty with Japanation and the rest of Asia, those efforts might just once again be within reach.

Galilebre
Very little is known about Galilebre. Populated by a group of monks who devote their lives to the knowledge and the worship of the universe, Galilebre remains isolated from the rest of the galaxy, and that’s the way they like it. A non-Galilebrean setting foot on the planet is considered blasphemous, a sad lesson learned the hard way when a Terran expedition team attempted to explore the world in 2143. The monks welcomed the team with open arms, and they even presented them with a gift: a large black monolith, one of several organic computers containing all the mysteries of the universe the Galilebreans had uncovered throughout the centuries. But when the Terrans attempted to leave Galilebre, the monks flew into a violent rage and shot their ship out of orbit just as it was about to Shimmy. The ship and its crew were completely decimated, but the monolith remained intact. For the next four decades, it floated freely through space, gathering up an infinity of new data until it was recovered by Declan Slocomb, who happened to be cruising past it in the Chelsea Boom. Thinking it would make for an interesting stage prop, Declan salvaged the monolith. It wasn’t until he started tinkering with it that he learned its true origins. He made an attempt to return it to its creators, but after their previous unpleasant encounter with people from Earth, they refused to hear him out and instead infected the monolith with a virus that now makes it very difficult for a non-Galilebrean to operate.

Gaia II
Gaia II is an identical twin of planet Earth that exists in the same orbital plane but on the opposite side of the Terran star. The world remained uninhabited until it was discovered by accident by a coven of Witches in the Earth province of Montana. In an attempt to cast a spell of long-range teleportation, the coven’s High Priest, Walter Nichols, created a portal from Earth to the planet that he would come to dub Gaia II. Walter stepped through the portal, but it immediately closed behind him, leaving him trapped on the other side. After trying in vain to recreate the portal, his coven took it upon themselves to rescue him the hard way. They commissioned a deep space cruiser to transport them to the other side of the sun. Upon entering Gaia II’s atmosphere, however, they found themselves bombarded with cosmic rays. The rays caused the Witches to physically bond with their feline familiars, whom they had brought along on the trip. When the ship touched down on the lush green surface of the new world, out of the hatch pounced a group of human/cat hybrids. The creatures took to their new surroundings right away, and they decided to use their magicks to fashion a new home where they could devote every single moment of their existence to the worship of their Bright Goddess.

Grunj
“The Milky Way has a giant, farty bunghole—and its name is Grunj!”

This is the colorful yet painfully accurate description given to this world by none other than infamous punk badboy Sidney Johnson, late of the duo Rotten & Vicious. Grunj is dirty, smelly, and downright putrid. A third-world world, it is home to the desperate and the luckless, a grimy melting pot of galactic vermin and backwash. Even Border Order has given up on this place. Lawlessness, chaos, and crime are the sole import and export of Grunj. Nobody ever comes here unless it’s absolutely necessary—and even then there’s no guarantee they’ll be able to leave. At least not in one piece.

Joblar
There’s really nothing special about Joblar. An average world with an average humanoid population, all leading average lives. Joblar is often seen as a “safety” planet…a place where the unadventurous and the insecure come to hide out from their lives. It’s the place where deity-fearing parents move to raise a family in mind-numbing peace, where crime is virtually nonexistent. It’s where the elderly flock in order to live out their last days with ease, where healthcare is free and life becomes an endless shuffleboard game with no winners. It is a world where people think traveling to its solitary moon is a luxury vacation and that to venture beyond the stars means giving up a piece of their pacified soul. If you ever want to cure yourself of insomnia, Joblar is the place to go.

Kaazbaaa
Often seen as a quiet, tranquil, and rather naïve race, the Kaazbaaarans are actually starting to make a powerful name for themselves in the Milky Way. Fueled by the success of their number-one son, Klaashhh Keenxxx, these rock people have become ingrained in all sorts of galactic affairs. The Quorum Forum council has even petitioned to place a representative in the Galactic Tribunal, and if the political pundits are to be believed, we could very well see that happening after this year’s elections. Many people in the galaxy think this is a good thing, too. The Kaazbaaarans are famous for their simplified yet unique perception of life, and simplicity is what several Tribunal members feel has been lacking in the way the galaxy has been run the past century. Is it really possible a dimwitted planet like Kaazbaaa could lead such a sweeping reformation? Only time will tell…

Lektroneka
Unlike the disembodied radio waves of Delzinium IV, the people of Lektroneka do have a distinct corporeal form—eerie though it may be. Highly innovative, the Lektronekans have partnered up with Earth’s Japanation to form Pseudo-san, the most productive and profitable electronics and robotics manufacturer in the Milky Way. The Lektronekans are not as isolated as some of the other races in the galaxy, but even when they’re the center of attention, they’re so quiet that other people barely notice they’re there. A combination of electricity and organic flesh, Lektronekans often blend in with a room’s lighting décor. In fact, too many times people have mistaken them for fixtures and have tried to turn them off. However, what they believe to be the on/off switch is actually the reproductive organ for the Lektronekan male, which is why many of them are just fine being mistaken for lamps.

Marquadia
The planet Marquadia is devoid of sentient life on a higher level, but it does harbor a few lower forms of intelligence, mostly worms, grubs, and other soil-burrowing creatures. Marquadia is often harvested by other worlds for its rich natural resources, such as oil, petroleum, pumice, and limestone.

Milo’s Arms Nebula
The Milo’s Arms nebula is an unnatural cosmic wonder born out of the recent Comet Eileen disaster that destroyed the state of Nevada and killed thousands of Terrans. The comet’s impact bore a hole of radiation into the ground that fused with the neon gas powering the lights of Las Vegas. This fusion resulted in a totally immense, totally dense cloud that was propelled out of the atmosphere by the comet’s impact. The velocity of the cloud decreased the further it traveled, until it came to a stop just shy of planet Venus, whose own gravity gave the debris-cluttered gases enough of a tug to keep it stable. As a result of this dual pull, the nebula stretched itself into a curve, with one ‘arm’ reaching out to its planet of origin and the other grasping toward the one it now calls home. The debris itself accreted into a small planetesimal in the center of the cloud, a large chunk of which holds the popular Caesar’s Palace hotel, left perfectly intact after the comet’s impact. A group of N’yn-T’u-F’yf-ian financiers, working in conjunction with a team of Terran developers, refashioned the rock pile into The Marble Cluster, which is now a totally gnarly interplanetary entertainment complex.

Negamai
A world that’s home to what other people in the galaxy would consider to be cartoon animals, Negamai hosts a social structure that is far from humorous and juvenile. In fact, the cuddly bears, monkeys, lions, walruses, and all sorts of other cognizant creatures that inhabit Negamai pride themselves on their sophisticated philosophies. Each of the planet’s natives is incredibly intelligent. Genetic research has shown that this is due to high concentrations of choline in the Negamai diet, which is found to be the key element of the candied foliage that they continuously munch on. Amongst the lushly green hills and rosy-sweet flowers, the Negamai have constructed learning centers dedicated to a number of disciplines, from mathematics to communication to astro- and bio-physics. They are known the galaxy over as being the prime source for a perfect education, despite admitting off-world students only on extremely rare occasions.    

N’yn-T’u-F’yf
This entire planet is one giant conglomerate, with Klaar’ynn Enterprises at its center. As such, eighty percent of the inhabitants of N’yn-T’u-F’yf have allowed themselves to fall into the inescapable snare of capitalistic necessity. Adopting the credo “I live to work,” these people have abandoned their individuality in favor of bowing to the demands of their corporate superiors. Money is what drives this planet. True happiness is a rare—some say forbidden—commodity. Yet without such a financial driving force, the intricate network that connects each and every world in the galaxy would instantly fall apart.

Oingoboingo
Oingoboingo is not this world’s true name. It was given the moniker after being discovered by the members of an Alpha Male Prime Exploration Corps scouting party who were jamming to a Danny Elfman soundtrack compilation as they cruised through an underdeveloped star cluster near the edge of the Milky Way. After weeks of flying through space without any distraction whatsoever, the AMPEC party decided to investigate this large, methane-heavy planet circling a blue dwarf star after onboard sensors detected biological signs. While they found the inhabitants to be rather friendly, they also found it impossible to communicate with them. At first glance, the Oingoboingoids appear to be large fluffy hairballs. But when they spring to life, they excitedly share their true features. Underneath the hair, they sport two wide eyeballs atop giant noses and small mouths. They have no limbs except for one giant foot jutting from their bottoms. They use their feet to spring from place to place, leaping high into the heavy air and bouncing gleefully off of rocks. With each impact, an Oingoboingoid emits a different note on the musical scale. It is believed by many Terrans that this race served as the inspiration for the classic videogame, Q*Bert.  

Reptilicus System
This system orbiting a deep-red star is comprised of five worlds, each harboring an offshoot of the Reptiloid species.

Dry World: Also known as Newt. Mostly desert from pole to pole, its deep sands border sere, loose rock, with only traces of water underneath. This place is home to the Geckoids and the Salamoids, who are highly impressionable. There’s not much on their world to engage their intellect or to fire their ambition, and they usually just wander around their desert pondering a whole lot of nothing. This makes them overly quick to accept offers of adventure and excitement from off-world strangers. 

Humid World: Also known as Shift. The planet is rather barren, just like its sister world of Newt. However, due to the overabundance of moisture in the atmosphere, the dry surface is pocked with large patches of orange vegetation. It’s at these patches the shape-shifting Kameloid and Iguanoid inhabitants congregate to discuss galactic politics and how the Reptiloid race must strive to be the dominant force in the Milky Way. These grassy areas also serve as training arenas for young men and women to transform themselves into the ultimate fighting machine, both physically and mentally.

Marsh World: Also known as Snap. Swampy, muggy, and dirty, this place makes the Gatoroids as happy as rats in a garbage dump. When they’re not lolling about in the mud or swimming through dreck to stalk a delicious snack, they gather together in elaborate huts made of sticks, where they regale each other with down-home rockabilly music and stories of life on other planets in the Milky Way. The people of Snap are as creative as they are crafty, and many of their artistic endeavors—including painting and sculpture in addition to music and literature—are admired throughout the galaxy.

Moist World: Also known as Lak. Not much is known about this part of the Reptilicus system, as the Serpentoids revel in their communal isolation. Evidence has been gathered that the people of Lak engaged in the ruthless kidnapping of various mammalian species from other worlds in order to harvest them for their milk. It is unclear why Lak is in such desperate need for this substance, although a scattered report from a Galactic Animal Gestapo Alliance operative suggests that it is being used to stave off a terrible disease ravaging the Serpentoid race.

Wet World: Also known as Tank. This is a planet completely covered in water. Temperatures range from average to just a bit chilly, especially at night. Coral reefs jut from the surface in various spots, and every once in a while the Ichthyoid inhabitants will swim up and bask in the warmth of the red sun. Most of the time they remain underwater, where they’ve built fantastic cities for themselves. However, due to the overall jadedness and apathy of the Ichthyoid race, the cities have fallen into disrepair. Gang activity is very high. Young fish people have no other outlet for their thirst for adventure, so they take it upon themselves to make their own.

Rithmia XII
Rithmia XII was originally a stray moon that wandered too close to a black hole. The moon managed to save itself by latching onto the gravity of a nearby star and adopting an erratic after-orbit around the black hole. Due to its close proximity, Rithmia is prone to time distortions, which cause erratic physical developments in the people who live there. From birth to puberty, Rithmian children’s bodies and minds operate at one-tenth their full velocity as their physiology adjusts to the chaotic chronometry. As a result, Rithmian children suffer a bout of retardation and obesity during this stage, which goes into remission when they reach adolescence. Rithmia XII is home to the Davison Omni Center for Temporal Ordinance and Research, a fairly new scientific outpost that is only just beginning to unlock the mysteries of time and space.

Tutaram
A planet of relaxation and leisure, Tutaram is the one place to go when a nonstop 16 hour shift at the office drives you insane or when you reach that certain stage in life where it seems as if you’re past your prime and the only thing to look forward to is death. After just one day of basking in this world’s natural paradise, all of your frets and troubles turn into tiny scabs you can just pick off and toss away. From its golden lakes to its ivory beaches, from its temperate rainforests to its pillowy prairies, Tutaram dares any visitor to resist the urge to chuck it all and become a permanent resident. Any and all desire can be satisfied here—sexual or otherwise, but mostly sexual. The native Tutarami—both male and female—have an insatiable appetite, and they are eager to share it with anyone and everyone. A Tutarami’s physiology is equipped for a number of variations. Women possess smooth, silky skin, three breasts, and extendable, extra-sensitive clitoral appendages. Men also possess silky skin, but it can alternate between smooth and furry, depending on the preference of the one being pleasured. They have a natural penis attached to their crotches and an extra one just above the buttocks, neither of which suffers from post-ejaculate flaccidity.