Track 10 ‘Latter Days In The Park’
“Let me get this straight,” Billy sat on one corner of the lab table, swinging his right leg back and forth, “you disappear from a bar on a planet that’s god-knows-how-many light years from Earth—in the twenty-second century, no less—only to end up in another bar in Hollywood in 1985. Is that it?”
“I believe so,” Declan sat on the corner opposite Billy, swinging his left leg back and forth, “other than the fact we have absolutely no idea how to return to the twenty-second century.”
“Can’t imagine why you’d want to leave. I mean, 1985’s such a hip, happenin’ place—definitely more exciting than touring the galaxy and playing concerts for all sorts of fascinating extra-terrestrials. So how did you get here, exactly? Did you like, walk through a tunnel, or did you freefall through a swirling gate, or was there some special doorway you opened and shut?”
“Maybe they came in a blue box that’s bigger on the inside than it is on the outside,” Elvin stood between Billy and Declan, his arms folded across his chest, “like that other British guy with the blond hair and the celery in his lapel we ran into a few years ago.”
Smith shook his head. “I know that guy, and I can tell you there is absolutely no one else in the universe like him.”
“He’s a fish!” Wagging his finger, Billy hopped off the table. “He’s a fish with legs, and I’m standing here talking with him! How is it I’m able to talk to him? Is everybody in the galaxy forced to learn English, like in the U.N.?”
“It’s a bit simpler than that.” Declan showed Billy a plastic tube filled with round, pink candies. “The lozenges I gave you translate what other people say into what you can hear and vice versa. You just pop one in your mouth and you can understand any language anywhere in the galaxy.”
“Incredible! Are you supposed to like, take one every day?”
“No, not that much,” said Klaashhh. He stood against the wall, cradling the Corgi in his arms after managing to subdue him and calm him down. “It stays in yer system for ’bout a month ’fore ya hafta swallow another.”
“Unless you develop an addiction,” said Smith. “A buddy of mine back home got hooked on Say What? and downed an entire tube in three days. For the rest of the year he was speaking in tongues.”
“Wow!” said Billy. “I see his lips move, but it’s like I’m chatting up one of the surfer dudes who hangs out at the beach by my house!”
“I’m sure the conversation is way more stimulating, too,” said Elvin. “Hayes, try and get over the fact that this is our first encounter with alien life forms so you can use your so-called brain to help us think of a way to get them home.”
“Right, right. Sorry.” Billy stuffed his hands in the pockets of his lab coat and paced in a circle. “So this Retroid guy you mentioned—any idea where he ran off to?”
“Not a one,” said Declan. “He disappeared shortly before we did.” He slipped the Clock of the Heart out of his jacket. “But he did leave this behind, and I was foolish enough to nick it. This little bugger is what actually brought us here.”
“May I see that?” Elvin took the Clock from him. The grains of stars were gathered in a motionless clump at the bottom. “It’s just an hourglass, isn’t it?”
“If it was just an hourglass, El, these people wouldn’t be here,” said Billy. “Sometimes the simplest things have the power to control the universe.”
“Simple my pregnant arse,” said Jett. “If it was easy to operate, we would be home right now. It could’ve at least come with an instruction manual.”
Billy waved her off. “Ah, who needs an instruction manual when you’ve got brilliant minds like ours?”
“Too right, Dr. Hayes!” Declan jumped off the table. “With the two of us working together, I’m sure we’ll uncover the Clock’s secrets in no time at all.”
“Two?” said Elvin.
“Three,” Billy said. “He meant to say three. When the Team Supreme is on the scene, we can do anything!” He snatched the Clock out of his partner’s hand. “Think about it, El. We can use this baby to learn all sorts of stuff—like who’s going to win next year’s Super Bowl and how much money I’m going to win in the betting poo-”
“Hayes!” A young man in a leather jacket and dark glasses burst into the lab, along with a teenage girl and a pregnant blonde woman. “Hayes, you’re not gonna believe what hap—” The young man saw Spitt and stopped. “Hello! Who’s the babe?”
Spitt glared at him. “Excuse me?”
“B-man, what’s all the shouting about?” asked Billy. “Oh, right. New girl, new prospect, new topic.” He turned to the pregnant woman. “Jane, you wanna tell me what’s going on?”
She shrugged one shoulder. “I’m not sure. I got this frantic call from Gloria that some monster was tearing up a nightclub on Sunset and—”
“Billy, it was so awesome!” the teenager gushed. “Johnny B. took me to the Vortex with him to set up for The Other Ones tonight—you knew they were in town, right? I was sitting there having a beer and—”
“Beer?”
“Uh, root beer. Anyway, I was sitting there while Johnny tested the sound system, when all of a sudden this bright light appeared in the middle of the room and out steps this huge—” she spread her arms “—we’re talking huge—lizard-looking guy with dreadlocks carrying a giant sword!” She grinned at Elvin. “Bigger even than you, El!”
He frowned. “Gee, thanks.”
“So then this guy went totally crazy, growling and yelling and smashing things—it was so freaking awesome!”
“A man with an axe?” Billy looked at Jane. “And she called you instead of me?”
She shrugged again.
Declan walked over to her. “Did you say you saw a bright light before this creature appeared?”
She took a step back. “Whoa! Who’s the crumpet?”
“Oh, right,” said Billy. “You haven’t met the time-displaced aliens. Glo, Jane, Johnny B.—this is Declan Slocomb and his band, Comet Sweat. They’re rock stars from the future who got thrown back in time.”
“Rock stars?” Johnny rapped Klaashhh’s arm. “You ain’t kiddin’!”
Gloria grew even more excited. “Oh, wow! You mean these are like, real-live space aliens?”
“About as live and alien as they come, babe,” Smith said, his forked tongue slithering from his lips.
Even though she couldn’t understand his words, she clearly got the gesture. “Ew! That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen!”
“Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. Once you go fish, you never have to wish.”
“C’mon, Smith,” said Jason, “lay off.” He turned to Gloria and smiled. “Don’t pay any attention to him. He just likes to think he’s cool and ironic.”
Glaring, she gave a short nod. “Maybe it works on whatever planet he’s from, but it’s definitely not gonna get him anywhere on Earth!”
“Yeah, even in my century, Earth girls are definitely not easy. I’m Jason, by the way. Jason Lumberlocke.”
“Oh, uh, hi. Gloria Dinallo. My friends call me Glo.”
“I can see why. Your face shines brighter than any star I’ve ever seen.”
“Oh, please!” said Spitt. “What sort of slime-sugar bunghole did you pull that line out of?”
“I just meant she seems like a very nice girl.” Jason touched Gloria’s arm. “Sorry if I embarrassed you.”
She tried to hide the redness on her cheeks. “Oh, uh, you didn’t. It—it was nice of you to say.”
“Well, it’s the truth, you know. So tell me all about Glo Dinallo…”
Spitt watched the man she’d just spent the night with walk off with another woman to the other side of the room. “You have got to be kidding me!” she said. “He’s flirting with her? Right in front of me? Gawd, why is it every time I think I’ve met a decent guy he turns out to be an insensitive jerk?”
“’Cause he’s a guy,” Johnny told her. “What planet did you say you were from?”
“What makes you think I’m from another planet?”
“’Cause yer way too ballsy t’ be from this one.”
“Thanks. But I was born on Earth. Not far from here, actually. Near Las Vegas. Or what used to be Las Vegas.”
“Use t’ be?”
Spitt nodded. “See, there was this comet that crashed, and we all thought it was like, a freak disaster. But I just found out the other day—the other day in our time—that a certain corporate monster actually forced it to—”
“Hey, whoa!” Smith cut her off. “Do you think it’s a good idea to tell these guys about stuff that hasn’t happened yet?”
Spitt shrugged. “Why not? It’s not like he’s gonna be around when it happens.”
Johnny slipped his shades down his nose. There was a tiny electric spark behind his eyes. “Don’t be so sure, babe! I plan on livin’ forever!” He pushed his shades back up. “Let’s say we get outta here and I share my secret to eternal life with you.”
“Why not? It beats hanging around here watching those two make goo-goo eyes at each other.”
Snatching his hand, Spitt dragged Johnny to the door. It was Gloria’s turn to fume as she watched them take off down the hall. “What the hell does that jerk think he’s doing?” she said.
“My guess would be trying to get some,” said Jason.
“Why would he do a thing like that? He just met her, for Pete’s sake!”
“Because he’s a guy. But I wouldn’t worry about it. Your boyfriend doesn’t stand a chance with Spitt.”
“He’s not my boyfriend!”
“He’s not?”
“No! And it’s so obvious your girlfriend totally has the hots for him.”
“She’s not my girlfriend!”
“She’s not?”
“Not really. I mean, we just met a couple days ago, so I’m not sure what we are yet.” Jason grinned. “They had a good idea, though. It’s gonna take the brains a while to figure out which end is up, and I don’t feel like standing around here all day. Wanna go for a walk?”
Gloria’s cheeks turned red again. “A-a walk? With you? Um, yeah! That’d be great!”
“Awesome!” He looked over his shoulder and asked, “Hey, Dec, you mind if we step out for a bit while you guys do your thing?”
Declan knelt in front of the examining table, focusing intently on the hourglass. “Of course not, mate. None of you lot need to be here. Just stay close to the grounds and try not to draw attention to yourselves.”
“Thanks, man!” Jason offered Gloria his arm. “So how about you give me the grand Humanidyne tour?”
She giggled. “Trust me—it’s not all that grand!”
As soon as they were out the door, Smith took off after them. “Oh, yeah!” he said. “This I gotta see!”
“Where d’ ya think yer goin’, Fish Stick?” asked Klaashhh.
“To spy on ’em! I’m not about to miss the catfight of the century!”
“What’re ya talkin’ ’bout? A fight with cats? That’s just cruel!” He gave the Corgi a hug. “Nobody’s gonna throw you in th’ ring, little guy—not if I can help it!”
Kneeling beside Declan, Billy looked up at the stone man. “Hey, Crash,” he said, “would you be a pal and take Conan for a walk? He hasn’t been outside all day, and I’m sure his bladder’s about to burst.”
“Sure, dude. Be happy to.”
“Great. Ask Miss Nance where she keeps the leash.”
“Okey-doke.” Klaashhh carried the puppy out of the lab, leaving the scientists to their work.
“Lively bunch you have there, Slocomb,” Elvin said. “They’re almost as bad as children.” He glanced at Jett and Jane, who stood at the side of the table. “No offense, ladies.”
“None taken, mate,” said Jett. “This lot is worse, actually. It’s much easier to discipline children.”
“Speaking of children,” said Declan, “shouldn’t you be resting? You look as if you’ve expanded another half inch since we got here.”
Jett said to Jane, “That’s his polite way of telling me to get lost.”
She nodded. “Sounds familiar. How far along are you, anyway?”
“Well, it’s been two days since I found out I was pregnant, so I guess that means five weeks.”
“Only five weeks? It looks as if you’re almost three months.”
“It depends on how you look at it.”
“I’m sorry?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Well, why don’t you take the time to explain it to her?” said Billy. Hopping to his feet, he clamped a hand on Jane and Jett’s shoulders and pushed them to the door. “You two moms should hang out…get to know each other… swap complaints. Go down to the lounge and grab a cup of tea and whatever else you Brits snack on. We’ll come get you when we’re done.”
“Fine,” said Jett, “but no mucking about. Just find us a way home as quick as you can, eh?”
“We will, love,” Declan promised her. “There’s far too much at stake.” Once they were gone, he refocused on the Clock of the Heart. “All right, then. There’s not much on the surface to give us an indication of how this bugger works, which means we ought to be looking on a quantum level.”
“Exactly what I was thinking,” said Billy. He reached into the cabinet by the door, and grabbed a pair of infrared goggles. “First thing we should do is run an optic scan to see if there’s anything on a subatomic wavelength.”
“Good idea. Our best bet is to start small and work our way up.”
“I can see this is gonna take a while,” said Elvin. “I’m gonna run down the hall and grab some munchies. Can I get you guys anything?”
“Dr. Pepper and Funyuns for me,” Billy said.
“And I could go for a cream soda, if you don’t mind.” Declan reached into his pocket and tossed Elvin a couple of dollars. “It’s all on me. It’s the least I can do for all the help you’re so graciously providing!”